Youth
by Zaretia
Summary: A side story about Celes and Sierra's relationship. Part of "Vir Lath Sa'vunin" to be read between Chapter 8 and 9 for best effect. Rated M for sexual stuff. F/F Cousland/OC


_**A/N: **__This side story is a request from the winner of the Chapter 8 mini-contest – Catastros. He/She wanted to know the relationship between Sierra and Celes, so here it is! This story was super hard to write. Even though I had in my mind their story background, it was difficult to get into the minds of children. _

_Oh yes, rating changed to __**M**__ for… stuff.

* * *

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_**Spring 9:23 Dragon**_

The Couslands of Highever were packing their things to visit their old friends, the Howes of Amaranthine. Father and Uncle Howe were comrades in arms during the Battle of White River, had fought and survived together and were now good friends. She heard the story a thousand times before from Aldous, and she knew she would hear it again in the carriage. Her father loved to torment her with history lessons.

Little Sierra's last visit to the Howe Estate was when she was five. She had been too young to remember, but she had a vague memory of being pushed off the pier and almost drowning. She would scream every time her father raised the topic about a visit to Amaranthine. She never followed. But this time, father was adamant.

"But why? I want to stay home!" Sierra dug her heels into the ground and tugged at her hand, trying to free herself from her father's firm grip. Fergus stuck a tongue out at her from behind the carriage door, and she could hear mother's sighs.

"Come now, pup. You know you have not visited with us for a long time. It's about time you came along. Besides, little Delilah will be _so_ excited to see you. She's been looking forward to your visits." Father let go of her hand. She tried to run, but he caught her by the waist and hoisted her up into the carriage.

Subdued, she sat on the plush seats, arms folded, pouting and pointedly refusing to look at her father. Or anyone else. She was determined to be as miserable as possible throughout the whole, entire trip.

After a week of boredom on the road, they finally arrived at Amaranthine. Not only did father have to look so triumphant about managing to drag her all the way to this horrid place, he was bragging about her to Uncle Howe too!

"…would make a fine match…"

"Indeed."

"Nathaniel would…"

Sierra lost interest and left her father's side to wander about the halls. She was following a scent of baked pastries to the kitchens when she heard laughter. _Ooh! Maybe there's a jester around here somewhere!_ She followed the voices.

She stood at the open archway, watching with open enthusiasm. There, in front of her, was a chubby young boy with chestnut hair and a small, fair-skinned girl playing tag in the yard.

_Stop! Stop! I want to play too!_ Her heart pounded with excitement as she almost jumped with glee, seeing how much fun the others were having.

She couldn't help herself. Sierra tackled the little girl who was running from the chubby boy, and shrieked, "You're it!"

When she went back to her room that night, father asked her why she was beaming from ear to ear. She smiled and said, "I made a new friend."

* * *

Celes was surprised at the arms that grabbed her thighs and fell with her onto the mud. The hands were not rough, and the body that fell on her did not squish her like a bug. It couldn't have been Nathaniel.

She saw a pretty lady, like the ones she only imagined in fairytales, clinging to her, giggling. She was wearing a cute frock, but it was now stained brown with mud. "You're it!" she said. Nathaniel never managed to catch her more than the two times she gave in so he wouldn't throw fits, and the arl only sent them out to play because he wanted his son to lose weight. And now a fairytale princess had jumped her to the mud. She couldn't help but laugh too.

She always thought the Couslands only had one stick-thin twiggy ruffian of a son, and that spring was the first time she met their daughter. They clicked immediately. It was as though they had known each other for the entirety of their short twelve years of life. Sierra promised to come back… _She'll come back. She has to._

_**Fall 9:23 **_

Celes was hiding behind Nathaniel's plump form while awaiting their arrival. She was still a servant girl, after all, and could not be jumping and waving at the carriage as it arrived, no matter how she felt. To her surprise, when the carriage door opened and Sierra was the first to step down, she was assaulted with a hug so violent, she fell on the floor, giggling. The two girls did not acknowledge the disapproving glances of the arl and the teyrn.

They shared little moments of joy together, Celes cherished these moments. She had found in Sierra what Delilah could never offer. Sierra was the same age as her, and slightly taller due to her pure blood; whereas Delilah was four years her junior. And though she enjoyed caring for the babe, the companionship she sought was not there. Nathaniel was older than her by three years and she couldn't understand his fascination with the girls at the Chantry they went to; He was also male, and did not understand some things she was going through. Thomas was her age, but he was a menace of a lad, always pulling her hair and throwing things at her, as if to remind her of her place.

With the arlessa ill, and unable to protect her from the arl, Celes found what joy where she could, and the moments she shared with Sierra were rare treasures. It was too soon before she left.

_**Winter 9:23 **_

She hid behind the suit of armor as she saw the healer exit the arlessa's room, shake her head at the children and walk away.

Nathaniel cried, Thomas cried, Delilah was still too young to understand. The Arl was nowhere to be seen.

Celes walked over to the entrance of the arlessa's bedroom, watching as the siblings crowded around their mother's bed. Her surrogate mother was dead. She did not even get to say goodbye.

_**Fall 9:24 **_

She heard the knob turning on her bedroom door. It was past midnight, who could that be?

_Arl Howe?_ She started straightening up on the bed.

"Ser… Is there anything I can…"

She felt his hand clamp on her mouth. The other was tearing at her chemise. He was violating her, hurting her. She did not understand the alien being that made its way into her. She tried to scream, but could not. She cried, but he did not stop. Why didn't anybody come to help her?

Celes reached out into the darkness and clawed at her assailant, she had to get away.

She felt her nails scrape against soft flesh, and then a blinding pain as fist came into contact with her cheek. Then everything faded away, and it did not hurt anymore.

_**

* * *

Spring 9:25 **_

Sierra had been pestering father about their next visit to Amaranthine. She could not wait to see her old friend again. But when they got there, the Celes she found was a withdrawn husk of her former self. Her eyes were steel and her body was guarded. She looked afraid, almost as though every person who walked past her would do her harm. When she tried to approach her, she ran away.

It was puzzling, but it was a challenge; one she would not back down from. Sierra followed Celes everywhere, fully intent on catching her alone. When she finally succeeded, she asked, "Celes, I've missed you! Aren't you happy to see me?" and enveloped her in a big hug. She felt Celes tense a little, but she received no reply.

Sensing something amiss, she pulled Celes to her room. She did not object.

_I will find out what's wrong with you._

Sierra had her own room at the end of the hallway now that she was a 'young lady' at the age of 14. When she and Celes were alone in the room, she locked the door. Turning around, she saw the terrified expression on Celes' face.

"Why did you lock the door? What do you want with me?" Her friend was close to tears. _What happened to her?_

"Celes, did something happen?" Celes had backed into the corner of the room, sitting on the floor, eyeing the door fearfully. Sierra went to sit beside her. When she put her arm around Celes, she felt her flinch and pull away, but she held on tight. They sat there for a long time before Celes finally opened her mouth to speak again.

"It was awful…" And the whole story came out. The arlessa's death, Arl Howe's subsequent sexual and physical abuse, the bruises she hid under her clothing, the blood that came every month since he forced himself on her, and how she managed to hide from him since.

"Celes…" Sierra was at a loss for words. Never before did she realize how sheltered she had been. And now her friend was suffering from abuse, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She gave what little comfort she could, including the knowledge her mother had shared with her about the disgusting 'moon cycle'.

Celes was crying. _Why is she still crying? What should I do?_

Sierra cupped Celes' face is her hands, wiping away her tears gently. Neither of them knew who started it, but she found her lips on Celes'. She could feel the salty taste of tears mixing with that of her tongue against her mouth. She didn't stop until Celes stopped crying.

She finally released her hold around her when she felt Celes' body relax, when her hands let go of the front of Sierra's dress and fell to her side. Pulling back, Sierra looked into her eyes, and said, "I'm on your side. You know that, right?" And she gave her a wink. Celes smiled. And everything was good.

"Now show me your mad disappearing skills!"

_

* * *

She's… We're… kissing. _Celes never would have thought her first kiss would go to a girl. But if it was Sierra, it can't be too bad. Her lips were so soft, so luscious, and tasted like sweet, sweet nectar.

_At least my first kiss was better than…_

She was trembling against her lips but Sierra locked her in embrace until she calmed down. She maintained a calm facade, but her thoughts were in a frenzy.

_We kissed, we kissed, we kissed…_

_**Fall 9:27 **_

Sierra had begun to sneak kisses to her every time they were alone or passing each other in the hallways; cheeky, indecent, discreet brushes against her skin that left her on fire and wanting more.

Whether it was companionship, love or simply adoration she pined for, it was there. And Sierra just kept on giving.

_**Spring 9:28**_

A bit of touching here, a nip there… She found her hands slipping under Sierra's bodice. Her hands found the straps, and Sierra backed her onto the bed. Sierra pulled away from the kiss and moved down to her neck and to her breasts. Celes gasped. Seeing that as consent, Sierra flicked her tongue against the nub of her nipples, teasing her to no end, drawing low moans from her lips.

Then, Celes was on top. Her fingers caressed Sierra's body, running over her delicate skin, pausing and lingering over the sensitive spots. She knew exactly which parts of the forbidden crevice to stimulate that would make Sierra's lips part and draw cries of pleasure.

When they were spent, she lay in Sierra's arms, breathing in her scent. For the first time in 7 years, she felt truly blissful.

_**Fall 9:29 Dragon**_

"Do you love me?" Sierra asked.

Celes thought about it for a long moment. And realized… she didn't. Guilt overwhelmed her. _Have I been leading her on?_

Sierra had done many things for her. Provided her with friendship and love and restored her confidence, but try as she might, Celes found herself afraid to feel anything more than affectionate towards her.

Sure, the passion was there. In fact, it was amazing. But she was scared to love. The people she loved… seemed to die. Her mother, her father, the arlessa… Love was meaningless, because the things she loved just seem to disappear.

Sierra's expression was so filled with adoration that it stabbed at her like little daggers of love she could not return.

So, injecting as much emotion as she could into the phrase, she lied, "I do."  
And when Sierra jumped up and hugged her, saying "I love you too!" She replied, "I know."

They moved back to the bed.

It was the first time she told a lie. Or at least, a serious lie. Not including when she told Nathaniel about how thin he looked in his new vest, or when she told Arl Howe about her whereabouts at night.

She cared about Sierra, and because of that, she could not bear to hurt her with the truth.

_**Spring 9:30**_

They did not come that spring. She did not know why until she overheard the arl talking in his meeting room. He was addressing his captain of the guard.

"…Blight! This is our chance! We must sieze it." Celes concealed herself in the shadows and stood beside the door.

"Bryce Cousland will never see this coming. He trusts me completely, that idiotic excuse of a teyrn! I should be the one in his place! My ancestors owned his land, until _they _drove us away."

"Yes, ser."

"I'll tell them the troops have been delayed. If they send anyone to Ostagar, Loghain will take care of that. They must all die. All of them!" Celes felt sick to her stomach. She left the room.

She could not warn them…

The arl left the next morning for Highever.

_**Summer 9:30**_

She was polishing the vase in the sitting room when Arl Howe returned. He was breaking the news of the fire at Castle Cousland to his children in the sitting room as she watched from the side.

That night, she wept for the first time since Sierra silenced her with their first kiss.

She mourned the death of a dear friend, confidant, and lover.

_The people you love, disappear…_


End file.
